Jaycee Dugard’s Journal: ‘I want to be free’
(CNN) — Jaycee Dugard kept a journal during 18 years of captivity, at times writing about how she yearned for freedom, court documents filed Thursday reveal.
“It feels like I’m sinking,” she wrote in 2004, when she was 24 and being kept with her two daughters in the backyard of Phillip and Nancy Garrido. “I’m afraid I want control of my life. … This is supposed to be my life to do what I like.”
“How can I ever tell him I want to be free,” she wrote a year earlier. “Free to come and go as I please. … Free to say I have a family. I will never cause him pain if it’s in my power to prevent it. FREE.”
The journal entries were revealed in court papers filed Thursday by prosecutors, who are trying to keep Dugard’s current location secret. A judge refused to immediately grant the request, instead scheduling a hearing on February 26.
Dugard was 11 when she was abducted from the street in front of her house in South Lake Tahoe, California. She was 29 when she was found in August at the Garridos’ home in Antioch, about 120 miles away.
The Garridos were charged with her abduction, and Phillip Garrido, 58, is also charged with sexually abusing her. Both have pleaded not guilty to the charges.
Prosecutors allege that Phillip Garrido’s attorneys are attempting to contact Dugard, and she wants nothing to do with themIt is clear that the defendant is attempting to use the media and his own attorneys to continue to control [her],” Deputy District Attorney James Clinchard wrote in the court filing. The prosecutor referred to Dugard as “Ms. Doe.”
Phillip Garrido’s lawyer, Susan Gellman, said she was just doing her job.
“For the District Attorney to hint that it is somehow improper or nefarious is disingenuous to say the least,” she said. “I am not the ‘tool’ of any man.”
But manipulation was a theme prosecutors struck repeatedly in their court papers, which refer to Garrido as “a master manipulator.” They cited an earlier journal entry, written when Dugard was 13, that they alleged shows a young girl under her captor’s spell.
“I got [a cat] for my birthday from Phil and Nancy,” she wrote in July 1993. “They did something for me that no one else would do for me, they paid 200 dollars just so I could have my own kitten.”
But in later entries, she wrote of her frustration with her situation.
“I am afraid he doesn’t see how the things he says makes me feel like a prisoner,” she wrote in July 2004, about 13 years into her captivity. “Why don’t I have control of my life! I feel I can’t even be sure my daughters are my own.”
According to the court documents, Garrido first sexually assaulted Dugard on the day she was abducted. She was pregnant for the first time at age 13, and gave birth at age 14. She was pregnant with her second child at 16 and gave birth at 17.
The girls, who were 11 and 14 when they were found, were named Angel and Stardust.
In their court papers, prosecutors objected to Phillip Garrido’s attempt to arrange visits with Dugard’s daughters.
“Incredibly, the defense attempts to support their motion with claims that ‘the children were raised as the children of Nancy and Phillip Garrido and all five held themselves out to be a family,’ ” the prosecutor wrote.
Also in their court papers, prosecutors took exception to Garrido’s statements to the media that he had a heartwarming family story to tell. He has told media outlets that his family went to the library together, ran a business, took vacations, kept pets and tended a vegetable garden, the court papers state.
“Incredibly, the defense fails to recognize that [Dugard] and her children were not their ‘family’ but were in fact captives — they were victims,” prosecutors wrote.
The papers revealed new details about Dugard’s years in captivity in the Garridos’ ramshackle Antioch, California, home. During her first year of captivity, Dugard never left the shed where she was held. She didn’t leave the backyard for the first four years.
Last month, the defense wrote Dugard a letter, according to a court declaration from District Attorney Vern Pierson.
“Mr. Garrido has asked me to convey that he doesn’t harbor any ill will toward [her] or the children and loves them very much,” the letter stated, according to Pierson’s declaration.
The letter upset Dugard, Pierson wrote, adding that she told him she saw it as “another way of manipulating” her. SOURCE: By Ann O’Neill and Stephanie Chen, CNN February 11, 2010 5:39 p.m. EST
how nice of the xxxxbag not to harbor any “ill will” towards Jaycee…..what a ….i cant say or i will be in the corner!!
:evil:
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i did not even say what i was gonna say & i am still moderated!!
O:)
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Omg,what in the world,the state couldn’t know that a letter was going to this young woman/from her abductor/ Terriost / capter/ an thist to me was a form of terrorisim. Fear of going out of a certain area . A sweet 11 yr old child snatched,an held.For years,im sure she did write an emotional Journal. Bless her heart talking about her kitten. Defense Attorney should get only one warning,an then be charged,or thrown off this case.
If she crosses this line again,i cant believe,a grown Attorney would even do this.The man charged,had been arrested,an served time before ,due to a child didnt he? An his wife deserves to do prison time also,to not turn this man in.I will make no sexual remarks,due to the seriousness of this kind of case,an the mind control/captors have over their victims. It is only a miracle,that Jaycee,and her daughters got out/and got out alive.
Im sure she is still dealing with emotions over this,an the yrs,she was away from her real family. Wickedness just runs amuck in the hearts of these SO/Pedafiles. Im sure her parents thought they would never see her again,because of the many ,many yrs she was missing-Makes me think of Haliegh,And many missing children.Could they be somewhere in this situation. Both the man,and woman ,abductors,should never ever be allowed out again,to do this to another,or try to contact,or get this young Woman an her girls to be with them.
I just can’t imagine what she must have went through. what was told to her about her real parents. The shock she still must go through every day remembering. And now knowing she had loving family/parents searching ,longing,missing her.
May God richly bless her,and her daughters,i do hope they are getting therapy for these yrs of being captive by a manipulator. Not just on 2 of them. Brain washing, loss of young memories, must be hard for her. Jacyee we will be lifting you,and your girls up in prayer. May you 3 live long , happy, healthy lives. And your parents,and family too :love:
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This guy is so sick, just to think that he really believes that he did that girl justice by taking her and raping her and keeping her captive for that many years is a person who thinks only about himself. And what in the world does a defense attorney think about their client pleading not guilty. How does this even fly with the state? There shouldn’t not be a trial for these sicko, there should only be a sentence and save some tax payers money. How much more evidence does a judge need to say ” hey, we don’t need a trial here, its obvious jaycee was a victim and her discribing her attackers is all we need.”
Done deal! Death Penealty, PLEASE!……..
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well, this guy should be shot, i mean hung.
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People both men and women) who do what he and that women did should get an automatic death penalty. I don’t care about all the legal mumbo jumbo about fairness and the accused rights? He abducted this poor child, raped her repeatedly, forced her to bear children in captivity and then is still manipulating the whole situation by using religion and God and how he is reformed. Bull&*&! Death Penalty automaticcally and call it Jaycee’s Redemption Law.
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cm-i stand corrected. they both should be shot, i mean hung.
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this guy’s lawyer should also be shot, i mean hung.
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“Susan Gellman, said she was just doing her job.” she needs to stop doing her job and leave jaycee and kids alone. there is nothing in her job description that says she needs to harass the victims.
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And just think, all of this would never have happened to poor Jaycee if the justice system had kept this sick, sorry, excuse for a waste of life in prison where he belonged!!! It’s disgusting!!!! Do these people fail to realize what Jaycee has been through for the past 18 years of her life??? Maybe they should think about how she had what should have been some of the best years of her life ripped from her because of a pervert! That’s what PG and NG are…perverts!!!! Maybe they should consider how her family felt, what her mother went through, the not knowing what happened, the fear and the helplessness. Un-frikkin-believeable!!!! These people are gonna rot, if the penal system can manage to do their job this time.
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Is this guy for real! I hope he is help captive for life and is treated horribly. I am so glad that Jaycee and her daughters are finally FREE. It will take a lot of love (which it appears she does) and counseling. This will always be a part of their lives and that is so sad. I will pray every day that they all can have healthy relationships in the future and not be afraid ever again.
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pro-if there is an argument for the death penalty, this guy would be the poster child. i say line all them up against a wall and cut loose with an uzi.
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Jerry,
I completely and totally agree. People like this just needs to be shot. One more reason our justice system needs a complete overhaul. If they would hand out stiffer sentences to pedophiles instead of letting them walk the streets after a couple of years, it would save alot of heartache. Personally, I think that once you’re a convicted sex offender you should never see the light of day again. There is no such thing as rehabilitation! And if they insist on letting animals like this out in the general public, second offense should warrent automatic death penalty!!! Either way, any crime against a child should be the end of their life as they know it whether it be prison or death. Maybe that would stop all of this madness that we are living in today. If you commit a crime, you should be stripped of most of your rights….you forfeit that when you make the decision to harm an innocent victim. Bring back the old meathods….Iron Maiden, boiling oil, the stocks….something.
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he wants to see his girls sick they are her girls not his
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pro-i think your right, they can not be rehabilitated. one pedophile (can’t recall who) said he still has those thoughts even after years of treatments. he also said no punishment would deter him. why waste the time and money on him. he is beyond help and will only hurt someone in the future. i’ll bet money had this guy decided not to conceal jaycee in his backyard, he would have murdered her. just a hunch.
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april-they are his - in a manner of speaking - girls sorry to say. the only way he should see them is down range of a gun club. sorry but that’s how i see these low life POS.
edit-i take that back, i’m not sorry one bit.
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Jerry,
Again, you’re right on…they’re investigating PG on I think it’s two other cases, the victims were found I believe either near or where he was working at the time. And they didn’t even bother to put two and two together. Jaycee was saved by the grace of God, although what she had to endure was an unimaginable horror. She still escaped with her life. God bless her for her strength! I hope this man pays dearly for what he’s done to her. Slow torture would be a good start. Why the system thinks that people like this can be rehabilitated is beyond me, statistics prove beyond all doubt that rehabilitation is impossible. It’s not enough to register them and to limit the job possibilities because it continues to go on and on. In the area that I live in, there are 12 registered sex offenders. One just lives across the river. They shop the same places I take my 3 and 5 year old children, go to the same library, go to the same restraunts….it’s a constant worry.
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I can’t believe that they are making her journal, her private thoughts at the lowest point of her life and making them public. These notes are for her eyes only, unless she alone makes the decision to share and with whom she wants to share them with. Period. Again, causing the victim to be assulted over and over again. I pray that she will eventually find peace in her life and with HER daughters. :love:
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Jaycee was in the news recently,thats what brought me here,I cant imagine being snatched at age 11,all the horrific things that happened to her.Just pains my heart to think what she has been through,I cant believe he thinks he might see her girls,and he loves her very much?wtf?ngmf-and( gone too soon) I agree, making her journal public seems wrong,I hope she and her girls get everything they need,and then some.
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